I have been trying to think of ways to summarize my last year but there are way too many things and most of those have been simply really stressful matters to me:
- I have to finish my Bachelor Degree thesis by the end of the spring 2016 so I've been trying to work on that and also I have other university related issues to handle.
- The beginning of the first semester: My dad almost died in October and apparently I might have had a slight depression because of that. I have not been diagnosed on this but now that I look back at my actions it could have been possible. Now I feel alright but as a result I got barely any schoolwork done during the first semester.
- I have to work and study. My current apartment has much more expensive monthly rent than my previous apartment. So in order to pay the rent I have to work alongside my studies and I have barely any free time.
Despite all this I have tried my best to do sports on my free time and have that one day a week I do no work at all to relieve all the built up stress. However, I've put on some weight and I think that has been due to my dietary habits. Because I've not that much time at home so I haven't been able to fix my own meals. So I have basically lived on microwave meals and eating whatever is easy and quick. Even though I not it has not been good for me I simply was too tired and stress to care about those.
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My trip to Germany with my sister was the first ever trip I arranged completely
by myself. |
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Memorial candles are common
in Finland during Christmas |
Nevertheless, though it has 2015 has not been the best year for me it has thought me many things about adulthood.
- This year has been the first one ever since I turned 18 that I've felt like an adult. I have legally been an adult (in Finland) for about 5,5 years yet I never felt like I actually am an adult. Though I've been living roughly 4 years on my own and not in my parents house I have been visiting them every weekend so it hasn't felt like I actually was not living with them anymore. I still see them every week but I have had to worry about my dad and probably that is why I felt like now I know how my parents must have felt when their parents have been seriously sick.
- Also I have my godparent duties since I have my cute 1,5 year old godson. Because of him I have got a bit of a taste of parenthood. Couple times I have been babysitting him and... Though I still think some day I want to have a family of my own I think I am not suitable to be a mother yet. To be responsible for such a small cute other human being seems a bit scary to me.
- The last thing I want to bring up is the self-confidence I have gained during 2015. I have for a long time thought that I am not quite an attractive person. Usually men don't approach me unless they are really drunk and also during those times they are mostly much much older than me. Sometimes I hear girls commenting negatively about my size behind my back. (I know I am big. You don't have to remind me of that!)
A year ago I decided to let that not bother me and simply be myself and not to care about other people's opinions. I also decided to try not to think about the "ugly" features I see in myself when looking in the mirror. It has been quite a journey and made me a lot of things last year. For example, I can't know what other people are thinking. Occasionally even I spot someone and comment to my sister/friend something like "Oh, that person has a nice dress" or "Look at that hairdo! It looks so beautiful". Sometimes people notice that and glare at me as if I am the most horrible person in the world though I was complimenting them. One can't avoid these situations in the public and so I shouldn't assume the worst whenever I see someone whispering something and looking into my direction.
